“Our fostering story starts in the mid 1980s.
Des, my boyfriend at the time (now husband) and I had just moved to Wales where he had got his first job as a club professional at a golf club, and I was working in a hospital. I can still clearly remember the poster in the newsagent’s window.
‘I remember the poster….could you give a child a break?’
There was a photo of an adult and a child with Down Syndrome laughing together with the headline ‘Could you give a child a break?’. The local council was starting up a new ‘Family Link Scheme’ and having volunteered and worked with children with disabilities through my teens, it appealed to me straight away.
So we applied and several long months later, having gone through the full assessment process, we were approved as respite carers (at that time respite care was a separate service from fostering), and began to provide weekend care for a young boy called Jonathon with ADHD.
A move to Weymouth in 1988 meant saying goodbye to Jonathon, but our approval was carried across the local authorities and we were soon introduced to a teenage girl who spent many weekends with us – we still sometimes see her – she is now nearing 50!
“We still see her – she is now nearing 50”
That was more than 30 years ago. The Children Act 1989 required respite carers to become foster carers, and since then we have cared for around 50 children in many different circumstances – for example, short breaks for children with disabilities from loving and capable homes, to emergency arrivals from traumatic situations at any time of the day or night. We have had a child stay for just a few hours, and another who came for regular weekend stays for 14 years – and everything in between. During it all we brought up our three birth children and adopted our son, all now adults.
“We have cared for around 50 children”
We’ve seen changes, there were times when a foster child could share a bedroom with a birth child, and it was unremarkable for the birth parents to come to our house. There have been times when saying ‘Goodbye’ has been so difficult, and other times, to be honest, when that ‘Goodbye’ was marked with a huge sigh of relief – but nearly always we have been confident that it has been a positive move.
The majority of the children we have cared for have had learning disabilities, including some with complex medical and mobility needs. Right now, we are fostering three children permanently; they are very much our family and contact with birth families is accepted as part of that. They all have moderate to severe learning disabilities, so life is never dull! The oldest will be 18 soon, so preparations are being made for her to stay with us as an adult, as she will never have the ability to live independently.
Perhaps unsurprisingly our birth children are all looking to careers in caring, and two of them became parents last year. When our daughter’s son was diagnosed with Down Syndrome on the day he was born, it came as a surprise rather than a shock, and we feel our fostering has prepared us well for helping him with his additional needs throughout his life.
“Our skills and the care we provide, however much we enjoy it, is now appreciated and recognised”
Financially there have been times when fostering has been little more than a voluntary role. Over the years the payments had been improving gradually, but with the introduction of the career structure two years ago, we now feel that our loyalty, skills gained, and the care we provide, however much we enjoy it, is truly appreciated and recognised.
The realistic allowances and fees now paid to us allowed Des to retire from golf last year to share in the care, but more importantly, they give us more opportunities to enjoy special time with the children. We no longer only look at budget deals for days out and holidays, but are able to upgrade to make life more fun and easier for us all.
We have been lucky in that our unusual and often changing family has always been accepted by extended family and friends, and as we get older we see these same family members and friends’ acquire spare rooms and newfound freedom, but we wouldn’t change our ongoing parenthood.
“We wouldn’t change our ongoing parenthood…overriding it all is the feeling of satisfaction that we have made a difference to the life of each child”
Our years of fostering have given us so many memories, some of sadness and frustration, but many more of fun, love and many laughs, and overriding it all is the feeling of satisfaction that we have made a difference to the life of each child.”
Find out about joining Sue and our Foster in Dorset family at fosterindorset.com
Sue and Des, you are both amazing people and an inspiration to us all.