The latest blog from our foster carer Amanda – Two very different goodbyes.

The Summer holidays were never going to be easy. Apart from keeping seven children entertained, I knew we were facing the imminent departure of my eldest foster child. My lovely Mr C had been with us for two years and now he was transitioning home. With my heart trailing on the floor I started preparing everyone for saying goodbye but then things fell apart rapidly.

I took my mum to the hospital for what I thought was an infection but it turned out she had stage 4 cancer and her pelvis was about to break.

My mum lived with me and was a major source of inspiration and support for my fostering vocation. A former carer herself and a tireless advocate for better resources for children in need, she was my sounding board for all the problems that came my way. She’s possibly the only person who didn’t shout ‘Are you insane’ when I went from 4 children to 7.

School pick ups from four different schools ? No problem as my mum had it covered. Umpteen after school clubs to remember ? Mum had her daily planner.

By the time she was my age she had raised enough money to build a community centre where we used to live and a few years after moving to Swanage she’d set up two not-for-profit drama clubs one for children and one for adults.

There was also the local pantomime she wrote, directed and starred in that allowed everyone 7 to 100 to tread the boards together. I took several of my foster children and students from the special needs school I worked at and she made sure they were right at home in the theatre. Finding their strengths and making their weaknesses matter less. The ones who didn’t want to act ? Well she found them other roles backstage or designing costumes.

It’s funny how removing just that one brick can bring your wall come crashing down so quickly. Mum had an operation to strengthen her pelvis but her legs failed to work properly again.

My days consisted of making sure my kids were enjoying the summer holidays, swapping her first floor bedroom with our bedroom and building an ensuite in a week as mum could no longer climb the stairs, going to the hospital nearly every day to keep mum going and of course making sure Mr C’s transition went as smooth as it could.

A week before Mr C left I brought mum home but she needed 24-hour care and this is where my other support systems kicked in. I am very lucky to have siblings/other family and fab friends who live near and were happy to help out. Along with a caring ssw who kept me sane.

As well as this and I really recommend this one I had the love and support of a group of strangers, aka an online forum for approved foster carers. My almost constant, desperate posts were all responded to in seconds without an ounce of judgement. These lovely people who couldn’t pick me out in a police line up, spent so much time giving me guidance and reassurance that I could get through this.

Unfortunately mum didn’t. The cancer spread to her organs and bones and she passed yesterday (15 September).

She lived long enough to see Mr C go back to his family. She was immensely proud of what Mr C had achieved in the last two years and what he’d overcome and I knew she loved him just as much we do.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I miss my mum and how apprehensive I am going forward in life without her but I do know that she would be so proud to see how my children both home made and ready made have supported me through this.

So onwards and upwards to a new school year and my first fostering recruitment evening.

This blog is dedicated to my lovely mum.

Note from the editor: Mandi, thanks for sharing this sad and very personal blog. Our thoughts are with you and your family x