Easter, a time of new-born lambs, fighting the urge to break the diet and hoping the kids come down from the ceiling after the massive post sugar rush of chocolate eggs.
You know you should always make a list of where you hid the eggs, but you also know you can’t be bothered and will be finding mouldy, melted chocolate in several books and crannies for several months after.
Boy R, who is being assessed for autism, wants to know exactly what brand his eggs are, how many and where I will hide them as he hates surprises.
My foster girls are anxious about getting the same amount of eggs in case it means that I don’t love them as much as my other children.
My boy H had several melt downs because I ‘deliberately hid them’ where he could not see them. He hunted for three minutes before he decided how unfair it all was. Will I do the same thing next year? Yep, probably.
Moving onto more serious matter. I want to write about getting to the point where you feel burnt out, or compassion fatigue as some call it. It’s not to be taken lightly. All of us whether carers or not will find the need to ‘switch off’ at times.
How do you know when you reached the need for a complete time-out? Quite simply you just know. You feel unusually tired, disengaged and sometimes just sad.
Feeling and understanding the need for ‘time out’ is not a weakness, it’s a significant strength. Would anyone continue riding a bike with a punctured tyre? Sorry that’s a bad description, possibly because earlier this month I reached that point.
It’s been 18 months since my mum passed away, and my brain is just starting to process the traumatic way in which her life ended. Two of my childhood friends lost their mum way too early as well and a close friend also lost her beautiful son; a young man who had inspired a whole town with his determination to live life to the full.
This, coupled with my girl’s brave acceptance of their court case outcome and the frustration of lockdown, pushed me to needing to shut the bedroom door a few times this week and read two awful werewolf romance novels on my kindle. Never again. Whoever wrote this dire drivel should be congratulated. The utter nonsense gave me several hours of mindless me-time.
So where was my tribe when I retreated to the land of paranormal?
Did I leave them to survive on their own ‘Lord of the Flies style’? No. I’m lucky I have a husband who will entertain them while I pretend I’m sleeping, and my great parents in law who don’t mind the little ones rampaging through their garden for several hours.
For those who don’t have the luxury of family babysitters, there is respite. We have some fab Dorset respite carers who make sure the children feel like they are on holiday rather than somewhere to go when the carers need a break. Needing Respite is not a weakness, but rather a strength to realise that time with another carer will be beneficial to all at a certain point.
We also need to remember that our borrowed young people may need ‘space away’ from us too. Their trauma is huge and the need to switch off probably greater than ours.
My boy R will come straight in from school and watch the same video clips endlessly for hours. Yes, that’s probably an ASD trait but it’s also his way of taking time out from us and processing the day.
So, what else has been happening apart from me running around the house in a slightly feral state? We are entering out into the bright new world a little more as lockdown relaxes. My teens have kissed the ground floor of Primark and spend several hours indulging in retail therapy.
I’ve ventured into a shop with a child in tow for the first time in possibly a year and we went to look for bears in Wareham forest. No bears were found but we did have several tantrums on the walk (kids not us honest!)
I’ve also not had a washing machine for several weeks thanks to my brand- new machine deciding to have a hissy fit. I would never recommend having no washing machine and eight kids. NEVER EVER. If the engineer can’t fix it on Friday, I will let the kids drag him to the computer and play eight hours of Roblox.
Until next time x
